Instead of ‘Join The Military Connect Community’

September 24, 2014Comments Off on Instead of ‘Join The Military Connect Community’

Saw this on Military Connect's community:

Screenshot 2014-07-30 08.35.28

A few tweaks I'd suggest here: 

1) Replace 'Join the Military Connect Professional Community' with 'Join 1737 military professionals {doing core benefit e.g. getting the insider track on careers}"

2) Replace 'Join now' with 'Get started'

3) Replace 'A community created to showcase your ideas, discovery valuable insights, and connect directly with Military Connect leadership and employees' with something along the lines of: 'Network and graft your way to a top post-military job' 

Audience research and in-person interviews would guide the specific copy, but you get the idea. The changes would 

a) encourage people to join those like them

b) reduce the sense that it's a big process.

c) highlight a specific action we want people to take. 

Then remove the rest of the copy on the page.

Let people sign up first and then guide them in how to participate. 

On October 29th to 30th, the world's top 250 community professionals are going to SPRINT in San Francisco. Will you be one of them?

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